I am so blessed to have had the 2016 that I did. I remember in college someone saying, “The days are long but the weeks go by fast.” And that is spot on to how 2016 went. I sprinted every day until I passed out for spontaneously and bizarrely needed 3 hour naps. Some days I was fine, and then one day every few months I would feel like crying. And yet, I grew in ways that I never thought I would. I was situated in ways I could not have expected. I learned to limit myself and say no. I also learned to deal with what I had said yes to, resulting in occasional restlessness and sleeping in a classroom in Hutchinson just to get a 4.0 in a class.
Although there are some days I feel I only just found my voice this year, or that I only finally felt like a leader and discovered what I am passionate about, I feel enriched by all the people and spaces that allowed me to grow and help me develop who I am and what makes me come the most to life. A lot of people told me that I found my voice this past year, one that others really admired and looked up to. Whenever we feel like we aren't enough, it's important to take some time to reflect on the times when we know that we are enough.
This past year took me to so many places and adventures- I was somehow so lucky to have had the opportunity to afford them! #actuallybroke Traveling by myself and connecting with folks, both professionally and ultimately personally, has been one of my proudest accomplishments. Especially since I barely can navigate google maps. These adventures have made me think on my feet, get over my self-conscious state and ask for help, and depend on myself at the end of the day. I think that the world is actually smaller than we think, but we condition ourselves to become lonely when we are alone. I think that there is an abundancy of connections that we can make wherever we go, and if we can’t find others to connect with, we can always connect ourselves to the environments we are in, and vice versa.
I’ve been reading The War of Art and how the “resistance” is a never ending force that disseminates itself in every facet of our lives, distracting and seducing us with every tactic to ensure that our dreams and hopes to create fail. It’s been a rather explorative year; many professional rejections, many critical voices have pursued and will continue to pursue me, the feeling of failure is so easy because being scared is more convenient than giving it all I have… Now, with another year of experience, I feel as though the work has just started and that my mind and energy is in better shape to wrestle this force called ‘resistance.’ The resistance will only get hungrier and more robust as I become hungrier and more robust, but I know that my goals and dreams are more important and life-giving than I am scared to accomplish them.
Many things in this year “happened for a reason,” and with due time, I was able to understand just exactly why those things ‘happened for a reason.” Somethings I still don’t know why they happened, I may never know. But I think that this year my goal is to exert my energy to things that matter, to continue being myself and working towards what I want and need, and to go for things more than ever now. The year after I graduate from college, the year 2017, will be the one that I make the moment my movement.