It’s been awhile since I’ve written a blog post. November seemed to outpace me. A year ago I was still in college, in rehearsal for an improv show, and had just gotten back from my first Civil Rights Pilgrimage. It was a year ago and I felt like my life was happening, non-stop, and without a moment to doubt what I could do.
I’ve read several articles about the hardships of post-college life and the ever shifting transition of what it means to not be in “the greatest four years of your life.” I don’t have grades to achieve or to demonstrate my self-worth through. I have no homework, no deadlines unless I take the agency to produce things I want to produce.
A week ago I got an email saying that I wasn’t selected for an internship in Chicago. It still stings and I’m decently disappointed about the outcome. I know that any experience, positive or not, is experience. But experience is only helpful experience when there's been some time between the emotions of the experience and the moment of finding clarity about the experience. I was a top finalist for a renowned internship…. a PERFECT internship for my career interests and trajectory. What an opportunity that was within my grasp. I can't stop but obsess over what I may have did wrong. Did I mess up the follow up email? Did I take too much time showing my personality during the final interview?
All I can really do is to DO something and just stay motivated and continue doing what I am passionate and good at. But as this holiday season came out of nowhere, I feel even more devastated and lonelier now. My friends are all in Seattle, I haven’t figure out what I will be doing for 5 more months in Olympia, and my dream of Chicago is becoming less concrete than ever. I guess with no certainty this experience is teaching me to (try to) live in the moment and continue to seek what else is out there. What hidden gems are tucked in the strange geoducks and eco-hippie lands of the capitol of Washington state? What exciting things lie in front of me in my hometown?
Week one after my biggest professional disappointment. I have 23 weeks before I plan to be in Chicago. Let’s go.